Wedding Guest Etiquette 101: The Do’s and Don’ts of RSVPing

RSVPs may seem like a small detail, but when it comes to planning a wedding, they’re hugely important. As a wedding venue owner, I not only speak with a lot of couples, but I also follow many wedding-focused groups on social media. Time and time again, I’m reminded why RSVPing plays such an important role for guests.

It’s not uncommon to see a plus-one suddenly turn into a plus-two—without the couple’s knowledge—or to hear stories of guests encouraging others to reach out and ask the couple why they didn’t receive an invitation (that was never actually sent). Let’s stop being presumptuous. Most venues have limited seating, and most couples are working within a carefully planned budget. Ignoring RSVP etiquette can lead to stressful situations and unnecessary costs.

So, whether you’ve recently received a wedding invite or you’re just trying to be a more thoughtful guest, here are the RSVP do’s and don’ts every wedding guest should know.

RSVP DO’s

1. RSVP On Time This might seem obvious, but it's one of the most commonly ignored rules. Couples typically need a final headcount weeks in advance to finalize seating, catering, and more. Check the RSVP deadline and respond promptly—ideally, as soon as you receive the invitation.

2. Use the RSVP Method Requested If there’s a pre-stamped RSVP card, send it back by mail. If there’s an online RSVP link, use it. Sticking to the couple’s preferred method makes their planning process smoother.

3. Only RSVP for Those Named on the Invitation Wedding invitations are addressed with intention. If it says “John Smith,” don’t RSVP for “John Smith + Guest” unless the invitation specifically states you have a plus-one. Respecting the guest list is essential.

4. Share Dietary Restrictions When Prompted If there’s a spot to indicate dietary needs, don’t ignore it—but don’t go overboard either. Be honest and brief, noting any allergies or restrictions that the couple and caterer truly need to know about.

5. Show Appreciation A small “thank you” in your RSVP or a kind note goes a long way. The couple has chosen to include you in one of the most important days of their lives—it’s always nice to acknowledge that.

RSVP DON’Ts

1. Don’t Miss the Deadline Waiting until the last minute (or not responding at all) puts couples in a tough spot. They may have to track you down, guess your intentions, or make hard decisions about their guest list. Avoid the awkwardness and respond on time.

2. Don’t Assume You Have a Plus-One Unless your invite says “and guest,” you were likely invited solo. Adding a guest on your own can throw off seating arrangements and strain the couple’s budget.

3. Don’t Make Last-Minute Changes Once you’ve RSVP’d, stick to it. If a genuine emergency arises, reach out as soon as possible. But changing your mind just because something else came up—or worse, showing up after RSVPing "no"—can be incredibly disruptive.

4. Don’t Add Unsolicited Notes or Requests The RSVP card is not the place to request special songs, menu changes, or ask about bringing your kids. Stick to what’s asked for and direct any extra questions to the couple through the appropriate channels (often their wedding website).

5. Don’t Pressure the Couple About Invites Whether it’s asking why someone wasn’t invited or encouraging others to reach out to the couple about attending, it’s inappropriate. Guest lists are often a sensitive, budget-dependent topic. Please respect that.

Final Thoughts

RSVPing is one of the simplest and most respectful ways to support a couple during their wedding planning journey. It's about more than checking a box—it's a gesture of consideration, gratitude, and good manners.

So the next time you receive a wedding invitation, remember: respond quickly, follow the couple’s instructions, and never assume. You’ll be doing your part to help the couple have a joyful, stress-free wedding day—and that’s something worth celebrating.